Friday, September 30, 2005

September 30, 2005

Slander Edition Friday



Last night, we had drinks with a local traffic reporter (like the old Judith Miller, we will not reveal our source). We blew our entire stipend for the month on getting this person trashed, just to get hot gossip for all of you. Where does this stipend come from, you ask? Why, Don Shelby of course. Notice we never write anything bad about him... That's not a coincidence (and Don, if you have a chance, we still need our mileage reimbursed from that pashmina shawl we bought yesterday- thanks!).

Anyway, after about five Summits, this traffic reporter began reporting on more than just the conditions of 35W. In fact, they let us in on a little secret: they are having a wild affair with Rick Kupchella. Our source revealed that they often made up fake traffic reports to ensure clearer roadways so that these lovers could rendevous, often under bridges in the vicinity of Highway 100 and 394.

Our source also revealed that Amelia Santaniello is a very bad driver and has run over five dogs in the month of September alone. For shame!

So, if you see this source around town, offer them some liquor and report back on whether or not you get any dirt.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

September 28, 2005

Slander Patrol



Today's edition of Slander Patrol investigates the news team over at Kare 11.

KARE 11



We have found two separate Julie Nelson's in the MN Criminals database. One was arrested for Unemployment Benefits-Offenses and one for forgery. We're not saying that either of these are KARE's Julie Nelson for sure, but if we were you, we wouldn't be taking any checks from her.



Again, we're not guaranteeing that this is the Eric Perkins, but we found an Eric Perkins who was convicted of a 4th degree drug charge, which in the State of Minnesota, means the sale of cocaine. We knew that this guy seemed wayyyyy to hyper.