Friday, September 16, 2005

September 16, 2005

Slander Edition Friday

This is sort of a strange Slander Edition Friday. Normally we would make up random things about local news anchors, but today we thought it was important to address some recent correspondence we have received from fans. We received the following fan letter two days ago:

To: Slanderous Minneapolis
From: A Random Douchebag
Subject: Let's Clean Up the Language

I find your website somewhat amusing, but let's do without the profanity. It is totally unnecessary and is a sign of ignorance. You won't see any of that on Jason DeRusha's blog. I love the guy. How about a scoop on Esme (a.k.a. Little Miss No Personality) on WCCO--their black magic marker eyebrow queen?

This particular letter came from a fan who's e-mail address contained the name of one of those Internet pyramid scheme companies. Apparently, this person has enough time on their hands "working from home" and making "$3,000 a week" that they have assessed the occasional swearing on this site and deemed it as "ignorant."

It's funny how the world works, because we happened upon this e-mail in our inbox as well:

To: Slanderous Minneapolis
From: Esme Murphy
Subject: I Fucking Love Your Fucking Website!!!

Hey your website is the fucking bomb. I love it when you make fun of KSTP becuz there newsteem is retarded and r a bunch of assholes that can kiss my ass. i love derusha's blog but i like yours because you swear and are totally sasssy and bithcy and fucking great. STay tight homey.


So there you have it, random douchebag. The scoop on Esme Murphy is that she loves swearing and loves our blog. Case closed.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

September 14, 2005

KSTP Lowdown

We are forgoing hotdish today for some hot gossip. One of our operatives, entranced with the Tornado Alley display in the KSTP booth at the State Fair, hung around the staff there so much that she was able to give us all the dirty laundry on the Channel 5 News Team.

"Kristin Stinar is a bitch who chews out employees right in front of 'fans' about how unacceptable the conditions of the autograph signing sessions are, as if she is a 'real' celebrity."

"Cyndy Brucato also has a bad case of the divas. At the Fair, she refused to come out of her trailer until right before the news started, and then went straight back there after it was done, refusing to mingle with 'fans.' Also, she needs to lay off the tanning, as she is starting to resemble turkey jerky."

"Patrick Hammer is a nice guy whose personality resembles that of a TGI Fridays waiter. He calls everybody 'buddy' and always seems to have a craving for mozzy sticks."

"Nobody knows what happened to weatherman Jim Guy, but Rusty Gatenby always talks about how much he misses him."

"Joe Schmit reads at about a 1st grade level. Everybody on staff is pissed that he moved up from sports to become a real anchor because the guy is so stupid."

Excellent! This is the shit we thrive on!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

September 13, 2005

Addressing Some Issues

Before starting off another slanderous week, we thought we'd use today's post to address some current issues:

First off, we're normally not the type of blog that feeds off links, but this is too good. Please read what Keillor is putting our blogging brother (MN Speak) through and please show your support for him. Without the right to parody, we would surely die here at Slanderous Minneapolis. We're just glad that we didn't make the following tee shirts as we had orginally planned:

Champp's is for Trampps
Rebecca's Garden Grows Pot
Hard Times Cafe Sells Hard Drugs
Paul Douglas is Gay

Those cease-and-desists can get nasty. Fight it, Rex! We support you!

Also, we don't normally feel the need to respond to comments people leave on here, but this one is beyond ridiculous. We in no way hate Dave Dahl or wish him any harm so Mr. Dahl, you can stop leaving us comments threatening to cut us or kick our asses. We're lovers, not fighters. We seriously wish for nothing more than to cuddle up with Dave in front of the warm glow of a nightly weather forcast. Also, the fake tornado at the State Fair was cool! After seeing the devastating effects that storms can do in the recent aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, it was awesome to be able to experience a tornado while eating a Pronto Pup and being able to buy a KSTP water bottle afterwards. Brilliant, Mr. Dahl. Let's be friends again.