Friday, September 02, 2005

September 2, 2005

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY: At the Fair



Welcome to a very special State Fair themed Slander Edition Friday. We will remind you that the Fair is down to its last few days; get your ass out there or you risk missing your late-summer trans-fat gorge and perhaps will miss meeting the carnie of your dreams. Which reminds us of a Totally Legitimate Interview we did... Anyway, let's get this libel started!

* According to KSTP booth workers, Joe Schmit is basically illiterate. This is something that is easily hidden in the studio with the use of an earpiece, but is not so easily hidden at the State Fair. After Schmit misread the word "Pronto Pup" off the teleprompter for the tenth time, a KSTP producer was reported to have head directly to the beer garden to drown her sorrows in 3.2 Grain Belt.

* Star Tribune gossip columnist CJ is reportedly on a diet, but was seen last night being escorted out of the Dairy Building, apparently for licking one of the butter sculptures. For shame!

* For an undercover investigation, WCCO's Jason DeRusha is posing as a carnie. The scoop is, he likes it so much that he's thinking of dressing like a carnie on-air for the rest of the year.

* Although it is rumored that Fancy Ray has left Mpls for bigger and better things, he was seen at the Fair last night rubbing cheese curds all over his body on Machinery Hill.

We will give a full Fair report next week. Until then, happy Labor Day!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

September 1, 2005

A Sack Full of Sorries



We here at Slanderous Minneapolis would like to wish Dave Dahl a safe and speedy recovery from his rumored motorcycle accident. We will accept part of the blame... It seems that after writing a story about riding hogs and canoodling with a certain rival weatherman, Dave wanted to impress us. Dave, we are so sorry for any problems we may have caused you. You see, almost everything on this site is complete bullshit. We didn't mean to imply that we liked weathermen, motorcycles, or dried beef (however, we honestly do love the Hexagon Bar).

Anyway, we are sorry that our bullshitting has caused a serious accident. If we see Dave at the Fair, we will make a peace offering of mini donuts and a make-out session in Ye Olde Mill.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

August 31, 2005

Humpday Hotdish Hoedown!



Given that the State Fair is happening as we speak, we feel that it would be a disservice to encourage anybody to cook. For our non-Minnesota readers, we will clue you in to a lesser-known fact about our fair state: hotdish is the official food of Minnesota, except throughout the duration of the State Fair, at which point the official food becomes anything you can deep-fry on a stick and wash down with a bottomless cup of root beer flavored milk. We wish we were making this up.

Oh, who are we kidding? We LIVE for deep-fried goodies at the State Fair, after last-call at the bar, on Tuesday nights, etc., etc. We know that you think of the Slanderizer as a trim, well-dressed, hot person but in actuality, we are morbidly obese, permenantly Zubazed, and always seem to have hot grease dripping down our chin. In other words, we blend into the Fair crowds perfectly. See ya there!