Thursday, August 18, 2005

August 18, 2005

A Week in a Day!

Yes, we’ve been slacking this week. Please accept our sincere apologies (and please stop posting links to Christian tee shirts in the comments section, douchebags). We will try to make it up to you today by combining a week’s worth of fun into one post. Please note that the following may be considered libel.



Mike Fairbourne on the Prowl

Last weekend, we decided that we had earned a night out on the town, so our entire staff got gussied up in our finest clothes and headed out to party.



As you can see, we’re having a leather vest phase…

Our first stop was the Hexagon Bar, where we proceeded to down shots of Jack and play the Claw Machine in a vain attempt to win stuffed animals (our intern got so in debt playing this that he had to do some crazy shit later to get some cash, but that’s another story). All of a sudden, a pitcher of Premium appeared on our table. Where could this delicious gift have come from? My eyes (I, the main writer, am pictured on the bike) locked across the bar with none other than WCCO’s Mike Fairbourne. Normally I have a thing for field reporters, but there was something about this weather man who brought a warm-front to my loins. Perhaps it was the alcohol, perhaps it was his Dockers, but something magical happened in that moment. I slammed a beer and waited for him to approach, but by the time I was finished, it was too late: Fairbourne had begun flirting with Ned Luddington, of the blog Minneapolis Confidential.

Normally I would have backed down and accepted defeat, but this was different. Leaving my co-writers briefly behind, I took a cab home and whipped up the following hotdish:

Chicken and Dried Beef

6-8 boneless chicken breasts
1 can dried beef
½ lb. bacon
2 cans cream of chicken soup

Wrap chicken breasts in bacon, then layer in a shallow dish like a lasagna, putting dried beef on bottom, then chicken breasts, then cream of mushroom soup. Bake at 375 degrees for about an hour until chicken is thoroughly cooked.

I rushed the hotdish back to the Hexagon, but it was too late. Fairbourne had left, leaving me with a bunch of drunk bloggers and a hotdish, which was consumed within minutes despite the lack of silverware at our table.

Our faces dripping in cream of chicken soup, we stumbled out of the bar. But guess what we discovered? Fairbourne waiting for us in an SUV limo! He whisked us away to his Eden Prairie estate where we spent the remainder of the evening partying in his hot tub, drinking his boxed wine, and watching TIVOed weather reports from the last six months. I, of course, got my canoodling in, and all in all, it turned out to be a pleasant evening. Thanks, Mikey!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

August 16, 2005

Dear Gentle Readers,

Our gerbil, Slanderkins, just had 15 babies and we have been busy knitting sweaters for each of them, which has brought on a wicked case of Carpal Tunnel. Postings may be a bit scarce this week, but we promise to bring you something. Good night and God bless.

Love,
Slanderous Minneapolis