June 3, 2005
After that juicy real gossip yesterday, we'll get back to our slanderous roots. Check out all the news we've collected. You can't make this shit up! Or, can you...?
* The Star Tribune's own Jon Bream was recently spotted wandering around the St Paul Wal Mart in a disorientated fashion. When an employee asked him if he needed help, Bream replied: "I was just looking for some pot, man." He was escorted out of the store soon after.
* Retired State Representative Arlon Linder is so staunchly religious that he actually believes himself to be the brother of Jesus Christ. He has drafted his own version of the Bible in which he appears several times and has even written psalms about himself. If you wish to receive further information, Linder conducts weekly services in the smoking section of Perkins off I-94.
* Cyndy Brucato is your real mother.
* It gets better... Almanac's Eric Eskola is your real father. Your parents withheld this information from you because they didn't want you to become corrupted by the fast-paced lifestyle of MN celebritydom.
* Sometimes, just as we're falling asleep at night, Belinda Jensen sneaks into our bedroom and kisses us lightly on the head.
Yawn... We are getting sleepy! Kupchella is about to tuck us in for the night, so we will bid you a happy weekend.