Friday, May 13, 2005

May 13, 2005

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY: Minnesota Nice



Local “celebrities” have been good to us lately- it’s bloggers who have been nasty (we’ll get to you in a bit). So, this week we’re going to take it easy on all of these wonderful people who read us our news, play us our sweet, sweet Clear Channel, and sell us products.

* WCCO’s Jason DeRusha will definitely have a very cute baby.

* KDWB’s Dave Ryan was spotted at the Capitol Grill on Wednesday night. He accidentally let out a small burp, then walked around to each table to personally apologize to his fellow diners. What a polite guy!

* After drinking too much at the Neon Cowboy, we fell on the sidewalk in front of the West Bank Holiday Inn. We did not feel pain, however, because CJ was there to help us up and hand us a cup of black coffee. We’re sorry we’ve been so mean!

* You know who has the prettiest pony in the whole world? Jeremy Iggers, food critic and ethicist for the Star Tribune. What we wouldn’t give just to brush it once!

* Recently, Dick Enrico visited the Children’s Cancer Ward at Fairview Hospital. Not only did he bring cookies, but he dressed up as a hobo clown and entertained the children with his silly songs and delightful dancing.

* Cyndy Brucato was seen at the Mall of America giving hugs to depressed teenagers. Matthew Johnson of Roseville reports: “She took one look at me with my green hair, System of a Down shirt, and baggy pants, and instead of running away or judging me like most people, Cyndy walked up to me, gave me a hug, and told me that everything was going to be okay. That moment changed my life. I started going to Bible Study and I gave up the Oxy-Contin. Things aregoing to be okay now, thanks to Ms. Brucato.”


That felt good for a change. Nobody was drunk (except us), nobody was molested, and nobody threw a drink in anybody’s face. Sigh…

And now a message to all you bloggers. We know you’re upset and think that our blog is shitty. It hurts us deep down inside, but then again, it might just be those bags of cocaine we swallowed to cross the Wisconsin border. Here’s our offer to you: if you don’t like the way it’s done around here, DO IT BETTER YOURSELF! That’s right! We are now going to be featuring guest bloggers once a week. Submit a blog entry to us, and you’ll be a prominent feature here at Slanderous Minneapolis: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

And always remember: if you hate on us (and therefore link TO us) on your blog, it only brings us more traffic. If all press is good press, then we come out the winner. Here’s your turn to be a winner. Submit an entry today!

Thursday, May 12, 2005

May 12, 2005

A Thursday of Miscellaneousity

We will save the fake stuff for tomorrow, but for now, we’ll just steal from the Internet(s).

* Attention all lesbians who wear khakis! This could be you!: [Craigslist]

* CJ tracks the happenings of CNN’s Aaron Brown. Sorry, but we spell “sexy” A-N-D-E-R-S-O-N-C-O-O-P-E-R: [CJ]

...and that’s all we’ve got. If you want to help us out with “news” for tomorrow, please send your slander: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

May 11, 2005

HUMPDAY HOTDISH HOEDOWN



Welcome to another hotdishalicious Wednesday here at Slanderous Minneapolis. Keeping with our totally legitimate theme this week, we are actually providing an original hotdish that we didn’t steal from the Internet. We actually made this ourselves last week; it was totally tasty!

Slanderous Vegetarian Dee-Lite

1 medium eggplant
2 small yellow zucchinis
2 small green zucchinis
½ stalk green onion
1 handful fresh parsley
1 can stewed tomatoes
1 can Great Northern beans, rinsed and drained
Olive oil
Garlic, salt, pepper, and oregano to taste
White cheddar cheese
Parmesan
Breadcrumbs

1. Chop up veggies to your liking. Use larger pieces for a rustic (e.g. lazy) approach, or mince if you have a hard time eating grown-up food.

2. Heat some olive oil on medium-high in the bottom of a Dutch oven (that’s a big pot with a cover, dudes). Sautee’ the onions and garlic first for about 3-5 minutes, then add the rest of the veggies. Cook covered over low heat, stirring occasionally, for about 20-30 minutes.

3. When the veggies are cooked to your liking, pour them into a shallow lasagna-sized pan. Throw some grated cheese and breadcrumbs on top (we like to put a lot), then bake in a 350 degree oven for 15-25 minutes, or until browned a bit on top.

4. Serve atop rice or pasta if you desire (you carb-eating, fattie!), or just by itself (but be sure to get a healthy portion, Karen Carpenter).



We have no idea what the fuck we’re going to write about tomorrow. Help us out, if you wish: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

May 10, 2005

Totally Legitimate Interview

We finally got an actual “celebrity” to help us out with our new segment! You may know Jason DeRusha as the hunky reporter on WCCO, but we know him as a fellow blogger and fan. We recently snuggled up with him over a warm cup of e-mail, and here is what he had to say:

SM: Where do you work and what is your job title?

JDR: I work at WCCO-TV and my title is News Reporter. I also change the water in the Culligan dispenser. It's right by my desk.

SM: Why do you think you should be considered a local "celebrity?"

JDR: It's hard to know if my rugged good looks, or my sharp wit are more important. My wife is hot. Is that something?

SM: What would you rather be "famous" for?

JDR: Barbeque. That Famous Dave guy is so famous, they even put it in his name. I'd like to be Famous Jason.

SM: Would you rather be a small celebrity in Minneapolis or a big
celebrity in Hibbing?

JDR: Actually, I'm already a big celebrity in Hibbing. Let me tell you: IT ROCKS! I get free drinks at Palmer’s Tavern all the time. Their website plays the Cheers song... and when I walk in, they all yell, "JASON!"

SM: Enough about fame; let's get personal. If Don Shelby put a gun to your head and demanded that you take him out for a nice dinner, where
would you take him?

JDR: I'm assuming he's paying, so I'd make him take me to the restaurant at Le Meridien-- Cosmos. I can't afford to go there myself. If I were paying, I'd take him to the Chipotle across from WCCO.

SM: Okay, Don Shelby still has a gun to your head… Where do you take him after dinner?

JDR: Club Cancun. The Shelb loves to dance. He's a big fan of that new Gwen Stefani song.

SM: Midway through activity #2, The Shelb tells you that the gun was really made of chocolate. How do you feel?

JDR: Tingly.

SM: If you ever found yourself on top of a giant billboard of Cyndy Brucato with a can of spray paint, what would you artistically express?

JDR: That billboard is on my way home on I-94... I greet Cyndy every night. I would draw a giant heart around her giant head. In real life, her head isn't giant. Just on the billboard.

SM: If you summed up this interview in 5 words or less, what would you say?

JDR: Tingly. Read my blog (http://www.wcco.com/jasoblog) That's five words. The web address counts as one, right? Thanks for interviewing me. People reading this will probably think you guys made it up. But sadly, I'm just that insane.