May 13, 2005
Local “celebrities” have been good to us lately- it’s bloggers who have been nasty (we’ll get to you in a bit). So, this week we’re going to take it easy on all of these wonderful people who read us our news, play us our sweet, sweet Clear Channel, and sell us products.
* WCCO’s Jason DeRusha will definitely have a very cute baby.
* KDWB’s Dave Ryan was spotted at the Capitol Grill on Wednesday night. He accidentally let out a small burp, then walked around to each table to personally apologize to his fellow diners. What a polite guy!
* After drinking too much at the Neon Cowboy, we fell on the sidewalk in front of the West Bank Holiday Inn. We did not feel pain, however, because CJ was there to help us up and hand us a cup of black coffee. We’re sorry we’ve been so mean!
* You know who has the prettiest pony in the whole world? Jeremy Iggers, food critic and ethicist for the Star Tribune. What we wouldn’t give just to brush it once!
* Recently, Dick Enrico visited the Children’s Cancer Ward at Fairview Hospital. Not only did he bring cookies, but he dressed up as a hobo clown and entertained the children with his silly songs and delightful dancing.
* Cyndy Brucato was seen at the Mall of America giving hugs to depressed teenagers. Matthew Johnson of Roseville reports: “She took one look at me with my green hair, System of a Down shirt, and baggy pants, and instead of running away or judging me like most people, Cyndy walked up to me, gave me a hug, and told me that everything was going to be okay. That moment changed my life. I started going to Bible Study and I gave up the Oxy-Contin. Things aregoing to be okay now, thanks to Ms. Brucato.”
That felt good for a change. Nobody was drunk (except us), nobody was molested, and nobody threw a drink in anybody’s face. Sigh…
And now a message to all you bloggers. We know you’re upset and think that our blog is shitty. It hurts us deep down inside, but then again, it might just be those bags of cocaine we swallowed to cross the Wisconsin border. Here’s our offer to you: if you don’t like the way it’s done around here, DO IT BETTER YOURSELF! That’s right! We are now going to be featuring guest bloggers once a week. Submit a blog entry to us, and you’ll be a prominent feature here at Slanderous Minneapolis: firstname.lastname@example.org
And always remember: if you hate on us (and therefore link TO us) on your blog, it only brings us more traffic. If all press is good press, then we come out the winner. Here’s your turn to be a winner. Submit an entry today!