Thursday, April 28, 2005

April 29, 2005

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY



Okay, people. We all know what "slander" means, don't we? Look it up and we'll excuse you from our legal disclaimer for this week. And now, on to the libel!!

* CJ was at the Viking Bar Wednesday night, pounding down the red wine and pounding her fist on the bar over a copy of the City Pages. Fireballs shot out of her mouth every time she said "SSSScandalous!" or "Mosssssss!" which was often. Kim Ode was at the bar next to her, drinking Mind Erasers and trying to justify her existence. CJ slammed her wine and yelled "Shut up bitccchhhhh!" and then she sneezed and singed Kim's hair off!!!

* Was anybody else aware that KSTP's Cyndy Brucato is really Miss Richfield 1981 in different drag? You heard it here first.

* The Mall of America has seen its fair share of obnoxious activity, but none as obnoxious as 1280 AM's Hugh Hewitt. Last Thursday, this conservative talk radio host was caught molesting 11-yr-old boys on Camp Snoopy's Mighty Axe. For shame.

* Randy Shaver, why won't you return our calls?

That's all for this week. Tune in Monday for more of what you love.

April 28, 2005

Basking in the Afterglow

Unless you’ve been living in a hole devoid of media and Little Debbie snack cakes, you are aware that yesterday, we won the prestigious “Best Locally Generated Blog” from City Pages. Rumour has it that when Don Shelby received his prize from the publication, it included tortilla chips and a bottle of wine. We are excited about receiving a similar gift pack and will report when it arrives, but we wanted to share this quote from a friend and reader:

“If Don Shelby got wine, they should give you some crack!”

So true! Unlike most bloggers, we here at Slanderous Minneapolis don’t pretend to be better than the real media and we’re not delusional enough to think that we’re somehow subverting anything (besides maybe CJ). We are the crack to Don Shelby’s wine and we are damn proud of it.



Speaking of CJ, we were actually able to obtain an interview with her! After all this time, she has finally acknowledged our existence and made contact. Amazing where this award will get you in this town. Boo-yah!

SM: It’s a pleasure to finally meet you! We know that we hate on you a lot, but really, deep down, it’s all fueled by love.

CJ:

SM: What does it feel like to be upstaged by a blog?

CJ

SM Any predictions for local celebrities in the coming months?

CJ: I’d like a decaf-grande-skim-8 Splenda- latte and 17 maple-nut scones with extra butter.

Okay, so maybe we didn’t actually get an interview. Maybe we actually followed CJ into a Starbucks and asked these questions from far, far away. And maybe none of this really happened. Whatever; you don’t read us for real content, do you?

Speaking of false content, tomorrow is SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY, in which we roast local “celebrities” over the flames of slander, libel, and carbon dioxide. If you have any tips, send them here: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

April 27, 2005

While We Were Sleeping... (with Rick Kupchella)

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, OMG!

You must really like us, or this is some sort of wonderfully cruel joke:
WE ARE THE BEST!!

Welcome, if this is your first time here. Look around our archives, for you are bound to find good stuff and a lot of poor writing that we really should erase. Sigh... Usually we give a hotdish recipe every Wednesday, but we are just too overwhelmed by today's excitement to make this standard.



Slanderous Hotdish

1 part slander
2 parts libel
1 part bullshit
4 parts sass
5 parts hatin' on CJ

Mix in a golden bowl with an electric mixer until well blended. Pour in casserole dish and top with mashed-up potato chips, then bake at 400 degrees for 45 minutes until golden brown. Promptly walk the hotdish into your living room and consume the entire thing with a plastic spoon while watching back-to-back movies on Lifetime. Repeat as necessary, preferably with sweatpants.

WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

April 26, 2005

Sorry no slander today. We've been getting down 'n' dirty with Rick Kupchella since we met him at the Eagle last night (who's your daddy now, Amy Hockert?!?!). We will return tomorrow with the HUMPDAY HOTDISH HOEDOWN, provided that Ricky lets us have the key to the handcuffs.

Love,
Slanderous Minneapolis

Monday, April 25, 2005

April 25, 2005

East Coast Report



As promised, we offer this dispatch from an ex-Minneapoltan who is currently living in Philadelphia:

Here's a tidbit you may or may not want to use. Ex 'CCO reporter Dave
Huddleston
is a big shot out here. His face is on billboards, trains,
coffee cup sleeves, those ads above urinals in dockers-friendly
restaurants, etc. Also, his teammate Dawn Stensland used to grace the
Minny airwaves. Check out their lovely bios at foxphiladelphia.com .
Dave is registered with the National Marrow Donor program and Dawn
helps abused and abandoned puppy dogs!

http://www.foxphiladelphia.com/news/dave_huddleston.shtml
http://www.foxphiladelphia.com/news/dawn_stensland.shtml

Your loyal Philadelphia correspondent,
[redacted]


Always nice to know where our "celebrities" end up when they abandon us. Thank you, loyal reader!