Friday, March 18, 2005

March 18, 2005

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY!!

Yes, we're hungover and attempting to get green beer out of our girdle, but we will still fulfill our obligation of making-up some slanderous sass:

* Moon, of Moon & Stacy of KS95 fame, apologized on-air last Monday for flashing Stacy's sister on a recent trip to Arby's.

* Not only is former MN Senator Rod Grams planning to run again in 2006, but he's planning on getting a quickie gay marriage before he outlaws them. His lover Brad, an employee at Chanhassan Dinner Theater, was unavailable for comment, but looked fabulous in a speedo, from what we could tell through our binoculars.

* Not only does CJ eat babies, but she eats burgers too. We spotted her last night, post-bar, at McDonald's with a tray full of double cheeseburgers. When her friend attempted to take one off her tray, CJ bit her like a rabid dog. Sigh... Can't somebody get this woman under control???

* Eric Perkins strikes again! He was spotted taking a giant dump on the corner of Franklin and Lyndale last night around 6:00pm.

Happy weekend, everybody!

Thursday, March 17, 2005

March 17, 2005

St. Patrick’s Day

Since it is a bullshit holiday, we are taking the day off. We’re too drunk to type anyway. And no, we’re not drunk because we’re celebrating our Irish heritage; we’re drunk out of spite, Turkish spite to be exact. You see, the entire staff of Slanderous Minneapolis had a strong, Turkish upbringing and we’re pissed off that the Irish took our rightful homeland in the great war of 1972.

In the meantime, prepare for SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY by sending your best and worst made-up gossip to slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

March 16, 2005

Humpday Hotdish Hoedown



Yes, that's right. Every Wednesday we're getting back to our Minnesotan roots and sharing some hotdish recipes. Think of us as that strange gay uncle at your family picnics. Here is the first in our series of recipes, donated graciously by a reader via slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com.

Fabulous four-bean hotdish
Yield: 4 Servings


Ingredients:

8 oz Bacon cut up
1/2 c Onion chopped
16 oz Pork & beans canned w/tomat
16 oz Green beans drained
15 1/2 oz Butter beans drained
15 1/2 oz Kidney beans
1/2 c Ketchup
1/2 c Brown sugar packed
1 ts Mustard prepared
1/2 ts Salt

Instructions:

Gayle Schuck of Bismarck North Dakota waxes nostalgic at the thought of family picnics at LaMoure County Memorial Park in Grand Rapids North Dakota. The James River encircles the park and its tennis courts ball diamond and playground including the old squeaky merry-go-round. Brown sugar and bacon season Gayle's baked quartet of canned pork and beans butter beans kidney beans and green beans.

1. In a dutch oven cook bacon and onion till bacon is browned and onion is tender. Drain off the fat.
2. Stir in the remaining ingredients. Transfer the mixture to a 3 1/2 or 4 quart crockery cooker.
3.Cover; cook on low heat setting for 6 hours. Makes 10-12 servings.

Oven Method:

In a medium skillet cook bacon and onion till bacon is tender. Drain off fat. In a 2 quart baking dish combine th bacon mixture with remaining ingredients. Cover and bake in a 350 deg. oven for 30 minutes. Uncover and bake for 15 minutes more.

Picnic Hint: Leave the beans in the crockery cooker container or baking dish. Place the cooker in an insulated cooler or wrap in towels to keep warm for the trip to your favorite picnic spot. Gayle Schuck of Bismarck N.D. often adds a pound of cooked and drained lean ground beef to this hotdish. Or take along fully cooked bratwurst to heat on the grill.

Sounds like good eatin'!

Monday, March 14, 2005

March 15, 2005

Standard Tuesday Post

* If there was such a thing as a "White Trash Spellcheck," we think this guy used it: [Craigslist]



* Yesterday, we pleaded for e-mails out of feeling lonely. A wonderful reader wrote in with this kind statement:

Don't feel lonely. We are out here. We are just shy.

This was encouraging enough to get our head out of the oven, but this next e-mail actually made us get out of our pajamas. A reader asks:

Dear Slanderous,

Did Sid Hartman die? He hasn't had a column in over a week. I think someone should go and check on him.


YES!!! We love a call-to-arms almost more than marshmallows. Since we are too lazy to search obituaries, we leave this up to you, our readers. Please go check on Sid for us. Make sure that he hasn't hit his head on the bathtub or taken too many blue pills. We, and the rest of the state, are counting on you.

Send discoveries here: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Also, tomorrow we will premier a new weekly feature, HUMPDAY HOTDISH HOEDOWN, in which we offer a new hotdish recipe for upcoming church potlucks you may have. As with everything on this site, we welcome and encourage submissions.

March 14, 2005

Reflections



Maybe it was the codeine we took this weekend, or perhaps it was the Making Love Work seminar that we attended, but when we read CJ’s column this weekend, we got a little welled-up. She’s had a tough weekend, people: Page Six ripped her off without crediting her. With all the wars and poverty and pain in this world, do we really need this as the poop-filled cherry on top? Since we may never experience these kind of feelings for CJ again, we have written a haiku:

CJ, so sorry
sadness washes over us
like a calm sea

CJ, we just want to let you know that if you need a shoulder to cry on during these difficult times, that our intern is available to listen to you and help you through this. Amen.

P.S. Didn’t our intern do a great job on Friday?

P.P.S. E-mail us. We are lonely: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com