Scripts & Scripture
Welcome to Thursday here at Slanderous Minneapolis
. We are very proud of today's entry, since it actually has some substantial length. Yay, us. Now, down to business:
* For shame. We accidentally misspelled our site name into our browser (yes, blogspot contains an "s") and we were re-routed to this page. As a public service announcement, we would like to warn our readers about the dangers of incorrect spelling. In this case, you just might be converted to Christianity.
We think our favorite link title is "Jews Info."
* And now, our MAKE-UP A J-HART MOVIE CONTEST!!!
We are printing our best responses:
From a reader:The New Yorker says he's perfect to play GW Bush some day. Why not now? Set in Alabama, in the "lost year" of 1972, GW sits around drinking, coking up, mastering Pong. And then, something happens....like, that would be the plot. That's too much work. Fuck that.
We like this reader's attitude. It is slacker, yet sassy.
Also, we let our intern out of his cage and fed him a protein shake consisting of Bisquik and yellow #5. Let's see what magic he came up with:Here's the plot: J-Hart has to go undercover as a pregnant female cop, who has given up sex for Lent, in order to bust the operations of a local pimp, played by Ice-T or Ice Cube (whoever's available) who owns a barbershop of hoes (and I ain't talking the gardenin' variety, if you know what I mean). Anyway, so he ends up falling in love with one of the hoes (Ice's fave, played by that Puerto Rican bitch J-Lo) who cuts his hair while he's undercover as the female pregnant cop. Now he must choose between revealing his undercover identity and joining the pimp world and staying with the ho or arresting the pimp, freeing the ho, but losing her love, (as she needs to be a ho to support her aspiring basketball star son played by fellow Minneapolitan T-Hud). Plus, can she trust him since she fell him in love with him while he was undercover? I mean, their whole relationship is based on a lie! Anyway, hilarity ensues, but hilarity with a tragic joy in it too, and the movie ends with the entire cast doing a rap song entitled "Barbershop Hoes Git Dowwwwn 2Nite." Oh and the movie is entitled "Barbershop Hoes at Pearl Harbor" cuz the movie also takes place in Hawaii in the days before WWII. Harrison Ford will appear as J-Hart's old- skool police partner/father figure, since we'll establish early on that J-Hart was an orphan. Anyway this movie will nab him all sorts of critical acclaim and make obscene amounts of money, cuz that's what J-Hart, Ice Blank, J- Lo (Eva Mendes might be cheaper), and Harry Ford bring to the mix.
Excellent! Now we know why we hired this kid! See, Harnett
, you have other options besides that one dude's "unsolicited script." God, we love this town.
Send us your worst for tomorrow's SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY. firstname.lastname@example.org