Thursday, February 24, 2005

February 25, 2005

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY!!!

You know the drill; look up the word "slander" if you feel like you want to send a lawsuit our way.



* Polara frontman and bigwig of the local Susstones record label, Ed Ackerson, is really 65 years old.

* Jordana Greene is known around town as a seducer of pizza delivery men. An area delivery boy claims that she greeted his delivery in the nude.

* CJ's going-away present to her idol Randy Moss is rumored to be something extra-special: her Pulitzer Prize.

* In a rant fueled by frozen margaritas and methamphetamines, new KSTP news anchor Joe Schmit revealed his true colors to patrons at the Brooklyn Park TGI Friday's. Dropping his folksy, Fargo-esque delivery in favor of a thick Chechen accent, he challenged all comers to a steak-knife battle to the death with, "The God of the Five o'clock report." One diner reportedly, "nearly choked on my riblet when Schmit called my wife a whore and threatened to use my skull as an ashtray." Schmit also revealed a detailed plan for world domination, but it was partially drowned out by forgotten pop nuggets from the early 1990's. When called for comment, KSTP merely said, "We're happy to have Joe on the news team. Death to the imperialist pigs."

* Guess what? Jimmy Jam shaves his back!


Farewell for another barely legal week (God, we hope we come up in a Google search for "barely legal" now) here at Slanderous Minneapolis. As always, take care and send your hott tips here: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

February 24, 2005

Goodbye Moss, Hello Slander

We'd like to apologize for the loss of Randy Moss... We feel that if we had done more, that he would still be with us. Maybe we should have written about that one time we saw him giving kitties to homeless kids, or that we saw him playing football with the elderly. Sigh...

We're also feeling pretty crappy about the fact that CJ ripped off our entry from yesterday. If any of you was "Jeff," the mysterious tipster who caused her to write our EXACT same story, you should feel ashamed! We'll be watching out for you; we know where you live (or, at least we think we do after downing three bottles of those diet pills you buy at Super America).

On a happy note, get stoked for SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY, taking place tomorrow. Make up your worst to make us feel better: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

February 23, 2005

Who is "Party Guy?"

As I'm sure you're all aware, Paris Hilton's Sidekick was hacked into and the contents published on blogs everywhere. Yes, this is old news. But, we here at Slanderous Minneapolis couldn't help but notice a familiar area code on one of the entries:

Party Guy
1-651-343-0136


What lucky St. Paulite is gracing Ms. Hilton's phone list? After all, we'd expect a 612 number, but a 651...? We tried calling, but the phone was already disconnected. When we did a reverse look-up on Google, all we found was this:

"The phone number "(651) 343-0136" is a Twincities, MN based phone number and the registered carrier is At&t Wireless Services, Inc. However, due to number portability, some numbers have been transferred to a new service provider other than the registered carrier."

Does anybody know who this could be? By process of elimination, we have concluded that it is probably St. Paul's own HarMar Superstar/Sean Na Na/Sean Tillman.



He may not be D-list, but he's probably G-list, and he does live in L.A. now. We remember him as liking to party as well, hence the name.

Any other guesses? Send them here: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Think of it as an assignment. After all, this is a great brush of fame for our fair state.

columnist_cj-f-h

UPDATE: FUCK YOU, CJ!!! Who broke this story first??? One hint: it wasn't YOU.

Monday, February 21, 2005

February 22, 2005

Around Town



* Can anybody lend us $523? I wonder if extra fringe costs extra money: [Craigslist]

* Yet another headline you won't spot in the New York Times: [Star Tribune]

bobandjennifer

* This isn't new, but it seems like it's been so long: [Watson's Slut]

Any celebrity sightings over the weekend? Help us out: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

February 21, 2005

In honor and in respect of all the United States presidents, past and present, we are taking today off. And yes, if it seems like we take every bullshit holiday off, you are correct. More goodness tomorrow, kids.