February 18, 2005
Disclaimer: this may be fake...
* The entire cast of the long-running (and oh-so-90’s) play “Triple Espresso” is not hooked on espresso, but rather on crystal meth.
* Dave Dahl was recently kicked out of Dream Girls for refusing to pay for a lap dance.
* All of CJ's columns are now written exclusively by interns. CJ spends her days at work reading US Weekly and smoking menthol cigarettes while college students do her sassing for her. For shame, CJ, for shame.
* According to sources, the Menard's Guy has been dead for the last fifteen years. Commercials in which he was featured re-used footage from the 80’s (notice how he only used to appear at the beginning and the end of commercials?) and simply dubbed over his voice with an impersonator. His recent “retirement” was a result of his impersonator dying.
* KOOL 108’s Dan Donovan (otherwise known as “The Geezer”) is one step away from a piano box-burial: he weighs 800 lbs.
* Deceased local celebrity and creator of the “Peanuts” comic strip, Charles Schultz, hated children.
* Speaking of “Peanuts,” sportscaster Erik Perkins was recently arrested for defecating on a Charlie Brown statue on Grand Avenue in St. Paul.
And so ends another slandericious Friday. Be sure to help us out with your real and/or slanderous celebrity sightings: email@example.com