Friday, February 04, 2005

February 4, 2005

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY!!!

Q: OMG! Is this for real?

A: No, it’s slander. Now fetch us another Bloody Mary.



And now, more slander than you can handle:

* CJ considers the arrival of Christina Applegate to be the best thing to happen to her since receiving backstage passes to Hootie & the Blowfish. CJ has pitched a tent outside of Applegate’s dressing room and is apparently stealing her lingerie while Applegate is away.

* Marc Perlman of the Jayhawks was seen getting fitted for shoe-lifts at an outdoorsy type store in Stillwater. Then later, holding hands with Pat Miles over tapas and Pinot Grigio in White Bear Lake.

* Marc Rosen was seen getting thrown out of Bullwinkle's on the West Bank, then walking back in to throw his business card at the bartender.

* Minnesota Twins golden boy, Joe Mauer, is rumored to have the largest cocaine habit in town, after the cover band The Rockin’ Hollywoods, of course.

* Jon English of Jon English salons was seen canoodling with a young, Asian male at the Saloon. English was wearing a late 90’s, very Eurotrash Prada tech vest; his “wife” was nowhere to be seen.

* Who’s your daddy? It just might be Channel 9’s Tim Blotz, who has apparently fathered 15 illegitimate children in the last ten years.

Wow! That was so much slander and libel that we should just start running to Mexico right now! To set your weekend off straight, here's a great story sent in by a tipster: [Daunte!] Yes, we saw this on the news last night as well, but reading things makes us feel so smart.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

February 3, 2005

Day of Declarations

Declaration #1:

As the authority in Minneapolis gossip, we are aware that Christina Applegate is in town for the musical, Sweet Charity. We are aware that many of you will probably see her and be sending in gossip, but we at Slanderous Minneapolis would like to declare that we will not print any of it unless it is in relation to a local celebrity. You see, we signed a pact with the devil long ago to only report on local celebrities. Unfortunately, Ms. Applegate falls into the category of real celebrity. We'll let CJ print and drool over every sighting of Christina around town while we focus on what we do best.

Declaration #2:

Speaking of CJ...



We would like to challenge CJ to a public duel. That's right; you heard it here first. We're ready to take this gossip columnist rivalry to a new level: a bowling contest? A drinking contest? A three-legged race? A karaoke showdown? Send any suggestions here: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Don Shelby, since I believe that we're on your good side again, could we ask you to host? Let us know!

And remember, tomorrow is SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY! Get excited and send your worst:slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

February 2, 2005

Groundhog Day



We’re hoping that none of you woke up this morning consistently reliving the same day over and over again. We were trapped there for awhile, repeatedly seeing "Harold & Kumar," gorging ourselves on Galactic Pizza, and getting into a fight with a crack whore at the VFW, but we found the true meaning of love and now it’s finally Feb. 2nd. Thank God. Anyway, let’s get on with today’s links:

* A Special Message to Wisconsin: Copying traditions from other states will not redo your image. The country will still view you as cheesehead-wearing, beer drinkers. Be proud of that! It’s better than being associated with characters in the movie “Fargo:” [Star Tribune]

* This is the most awesome Craiglist posting we’ve seen in quite awhile. This guy should come and be one of our interns: [Craigslist]

* Tased & Confused: This is kind of pointless, but we just love tasers so much! Our grandma bought us one from the Pistol Parlor for our 21st birthday (unfortunately, we’re not making this up). It is in a box somewhere because we’re too freaked out to use it, but we salute those who do: [Pioneer Press]

That’s all we have for today. If you happen upon any Groundhog Day celebrity sightings, you know what to do: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

February 1, 2005

Celebrity Sighting of the Day

A tip sent in by a reader via slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com



On Saturday I had a celeb sighting.

Some friends and I were shopping at the downtown Marshall Fields. We saw Minnesota Timberwolf Troy Hudson shopping with some friends on the 2nd floor mens level. They were all trying on tight knit caps and scarves.

For people who were shopping in a nice store, they looked really sloppy. All but one of them was wearing sweats.


Thanks for participating!

Sunday, January 30, 2005

January 31, 2005

Misc.

After all that slander on Friday, let's start the week off with some good ol' truthful sass:

* If this is your mom, please accept our apologies: [Craigslist]

* Normally we wouldn't consider it okay to make fun of an 11-yr-old girl (especially when we're not sure if she even lives in MN), but what the hell: [GurlzRule411]

* And a special treat... We finally shelled out the cash to get an archived copy of our Pioneer Press mention, so we may as well treat you to the goods:

December 30, 2004

Column: Pop Life

WE'VE BEEN GAWK'D!

Author: Amy Carlson Gustafson

Edition: St. Paul
Section: Main
Page: A15

Article Text:

Imagine how our jaws dropped when we went to our favorite celebrity gossip blog -- New York-based bigwig Gawker.com -- to get our daily Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Tara Reid fix and found a juicy item directly related to the Twin Towns. In the spirit of Gawker, there's now Slanderous Minneapolis (www.slanderousminneapolis.blogspot.com), "The Authority in Minneapolis Gossip." The new local gossip/media blog features gossip -- from anonymous sources that boast a not-so-family-friendly vocabulary -- that runs the gamut from funny to tasteless to nasty on everyone from Fancy Ray to Dave Pirner to Jesse Ventura. Conjures fuzzy memories of the addicting Budd Rugg columns that used to appear on Cursor.org and in City Pages. It's unclear whether some of the content is fact or fiction, but one thing is sure: Whoever is running it is way into WCCO's Don Shelby.

We love how she feels the need to mention that our vocabulary isn't "family friendly." From now on, we will add this warning: PARENTS!! PLEASE DO NOT READ SLANDEROUS MINNEAPOLIS WITH CHILDREN PRESENT. IF CHILDREN ACCIDENTALLY INGEST WORDS ON THIS SITE, FLUSH THEIR EYES IMMEDIATELY WITH THE BIBLE AND REPEAT AS NECESSARY UNTIL SARCASM AND SWEARING NO LONGER PERSIST. IF ABOVE METHOD DOES NOT WORK, SEND CHILD TO TEEN BOOT CAMP, AS SEEN ON SALLY JESSIE RAPHAEL. AMEN.