Thursday, January 27, 2005

January 28, 2005

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY

We need not remind you what slander means. Check a dictionary if you need help (eg. this is all FAKE).

*Dave Pirner was seen at the CC Club last Saturday drinking by himself and playing massive amounts of Soul Asylum on the jukebox.

* Garrison Keillor: is a major suspect in a SE Mpls arson case. When reached for comment, he said "Lake Wobegon has no arson. Let me tell you about the time that they had too many tomatoes." Nice subject change, GK!

* Last weekend, the Warner's Stellian Bitch: was seen at Eden Prairie Center, drunk off her ass. She threw up in a potted tree, then proceeded to buy discount Champion sweatpants at Mervin's.



* A certain Minneapolis blogger/Euro-wanna-be, [redacted] is apparently sleeping with Rudy Boschwitz's wife. He certainly doesn't blog about this, but then again, we wouldn't know, since nobody actually reads [redacted]'s blog.

* Mary Lucia, local dj legend and current dj on the new MPR station The Current, was seen at the CC Club drinking by herself and playing massive amounts of Spin Doctors on the jukebox.

And that's it for SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY! Please participate next week by sending your slander to: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com (you can also send real stuff here).

Have a good weekend.

January 27, 2005

Media


Care11
Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
* We've finally figured out what this strange sign means. Perhaps if we traveled out of city limits once in awhile, we would know about this bizarre place known as "St. Paul:" [Star Tribune]


* Don't kids know that being in a gang is SO 90's? Gangs went out when Boys II Men went off the Billboard charts. The new thing is blogging: [Star Tribune]


Okay, so this isn’t a great “Media” post considering that we only looked at one paper this morning. Honestly, we’re resting up for SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY! We need your help! Send your best, worst, and most entertaining slander to: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Tomorrow, we’ll shame local celebrities for no good reason and send you off into your weekend with style.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

January 26, 2005

Hatin’ on CJ


CJ!
Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
Since today is a slow news day, we will do what we always resort to: rippin’ on CJ. Today we would like to offer some constructive criticism. Please go to her column from yesterday so that you can see our point illustrated.


An open letter to CJ:

Dear CJ,

You don’t know us, or at least are choosing to ignore our presence in favor of talking about your obsession with the Vikings. Whatever; we’re not offended. But seriously, we need to talk. Let’s get this straight, CJ: you’re a local gossip columnist, not Page Six (pot and kettle, we know). Your job is to report on happenings in town and the debauchery of local celebrities. Yesterday, your column was a hearsay account of the Donald Trump wedding. First off, this is bullshit. Hearsay all you want locally (like somebody spotting Mark Rosen running over a dog), but why the hell would anybody read a secondhand account of a big celebrity event via a washed-up Mrs. Minnesota when they could read a real report elsewhere? Why turn to you instead of MSN, etc.?

Bridging off of that, we would like to talk to you about your over-usage of bold typeface (this is a lesson to you too, Riemenschneider). We are not offended by bold typeface in general. Hell, we use it ourselves (OMG, did you see what Colleen Needles was wearing in the parking lot of Cub yesterday??). But, since you are a LOCAL columnist, it is our firm belief that bold typeface should only be used for our own people. An excerpt from your column yesterday:

“Minnesota's former Mrs. America Jennifer Kline tells me she had a prime perch from which to watch the celebrities attending the Donald Trump-Melania Knauss nuptials in Palm Beach, Fla., last weekend.”

If we were to report on this bullshit secondhand story (yes, pots and kettles again, we know), we would only bold Jennifer Kline’s name, since she is the only Minnesotan in that sentence. Let’s try an exercise, shall we? Practice along with us:

Last weekend, I spotted Diana Pierce listening to Blues Traveler on her Ipod by Lake of the Isles. I complimented her outfit and she said “Thanks! It’s a St John that I bought at Marshall Field’s! I think that Condi Rice has the same one!” She mentioned that she was going to meet Pat Miles for lunch to discuss Kevin Federline’s hot bod.

We would approve of bolding the following things:

Diana Pierce (she is local)
Pat Miles (she is local)
Blues Traveler (because it’s funny)

We know that you want to bold St John, Marshall Field’s, Lake of the Isles, Condi Rice, and Kevin Federline as well (hell, we’d be willing to bet our Walkman that you’d even bold the word Ipod), but learn to resist! People read you for local gossip; you should stick to what you’re good at.

All our love,
SlanderousMinneapolis

Monday, January 24, 2005

January 25, 2005

Media


Norm
Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
* Looks like we broke the Norm Coleman story before Wonkette. Who knew that we were so cool? [Wonkette]

* Just what kind of clothes in Albert Lea are worth losing your job over? We’re sure that Dress Barn has low enough prices to begin with: [Star Tribune]

* Yes, we may be slapped with a lawsuit any day now, but at least we’re not STALKING people. We suddenly feel so much better about ourselves: [Minneapolis Confidential]

* Dear God, it's me Margaret. Please say this post is a lie. Amen: [Craigslist]

Sunday, January 23, 2005

January 24, 2005

Celebrity Sighting of the Day



After all that slander on Friday, let's get back to the real news. A tip from a reader via: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Mayor R.T. Rybak had lunch [Thursday] today at My Burger, located in the 6 Quebec building. He had a My Burger Box with cheese and enjoyed a copy of the latest City Pages. He turned straight to Savage Love, kidding but I think it's a nice touch.

Somehow, the truth just isn't as exciting as slander. Oh well... We're doing our best.