Saturday, January 22, 2005

January 22, 2005

Weekend posts are usually reserved for something truly special, and this is no exception: [Norm Coleman]

Yes, there is even some slander we can't make up.

Friday, January 21, 2005

January 21, 2005

Welcome to our special…

SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY!

From here on in, Fridays will be devoted entirely to slander. Yes, we still want your real sightings too. Send them all here, but let us know the nature of your sighting or “sighting.” Before we begin, a reminder to those who don’t read the dictionary:

Slander (noun): a false or malicious statement about a person.

Libel (noun): a published statement falsely damaging a person’s reputation. To defame falsely.

Now let’s get down to it:

* Mike Tice (Ticey) was seen recently at Champp’s in downtown Minneapolis. He was reported as wearing Zubaz and a witness claims that after spilling sauce from his buffalo wings down the front of his sweatshirt, he became enraged and threw his beer across the room. Luckily, nobody was injured.

* Star Tribune writer Doug Grow is reportedly violating his contract with the Strib by writing a daily column for a small paper in Arkansas. He is apparently getting paid under the table- in cocaine.

* It is rumored that Belinda Jensen has a tattoo of a weather map- on her ASS. Warm fronts are soon to come!



* We spotted Star Tribune gossip columnist CJ at a hot downtown nightclub wearing leggings and ankle boots. When we confronted her about the 90’s-ness of her attire, she threw her Cosmo in our face and shouted “You gays are all the same!” What a bitch.

* You know who we think is a huge tool? Every fucking anchor at Channel 5.

* Mark Rosen is not only a bad tipper, but a bad driver as well. Golden Valley resident Matt Anderson, age 12, recently had his corgi puppy run over by Rosen, who was driving his SUV 50+ MPH. Rosen apparently paid Anderson $200 in hush money at the scene to keep quiet.

Wow! Breaking the law never felt so good, except for maybe that one time that we stole a “No Fat Chicks” bumper sticker from a gift shop in Wisconsin Dells.

Do your homework: e-mail us
slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Thursday, January 20, 2005

January 20, 2005

Celebrity Gossip Galore!

After two days of complaining that we have no material, the gods have finally answered our call. First, a sighting by a reader, sent via slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com:


darcy
Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
I don't know if this counts, but I saw Darcy Pohland (wcco's
wheelchaired reporter) pulling into the subway in the USbank building
yesterday. The line was so long they made her order from like 10
feet away, I'm surprised they even saw her from that angle. She was
really pleasant.


Excellent! You get a gold star. A gold trophy, however, goes to our intern. After beating him into submission and threatening to cut off his supply of Lik-A-Made, he chased down this special report for us:



Daunte Culpepper, after attending a Wolves game with fellow Minnesota athlete Michael Bennet to watch other fellow Minnesotan athletes compete in athletics [Ed note: he has to dumb it down for us gays], rolled deep into a hot club, Fahrenheit, where the temperature was soaring well above a comfortable temperature, no doubt registering on both a Fahrenheit and Celsius scale. With him was fellow Minnesota athlete (in this case, a basketball star DC had watched lose just minutes before), Latrell Sprewell. While getting hot, Culpepper's white mink coat was snatched. No word on if he got it back.

One thing remains certain, however, the loss of the coat, most likely either a family heirloom or a souvenir of his youth in Florida, and definitely not something he paid for by playing a game for money, has left Culpepper blinging way less hard, leaving his street cred in jeopardy. My advice? Contact Shaq, Ron Artest, or local T-Wolves rap sensation T-Hud and learn to rap. Or rob a liquor store. Chicago Lake Liquors is always a good target. Or just start small and steal some of Robyn Robynson's crotchless panties and sell them on the black market. That worked for Vascellaro.


What a hearty day! I feel like I just ate a pot roast of delicious gossip. Today: the truth. Tomorrow: a special ALL SLANDER edition. Get excited.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

January 19, 2004

Tip 'o the Day



Since we're still having a news drought around here, we'll print this message we got from a pal over at City Pages:

while it may not be fresh news, i will say that the last time i saw rick kupchella of kare 11 in person, a year or more ago now, his "tan" looked as if it had been slathered on with a barbecue brush and finished in an easy-bake oven.

Sigh... We long for the good ol' days when local celebrities were running amok and all we had to do was report it. If we don't get some serious dirt in the next few days, we're just going to have to go out there and create it. Watch out, local celebrities: you just might be canoodled by somebody slanderous!

Send tips here: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

January 18, 2005

Where Have All the Celebrities Gone?

Yes, we know that it's colder than fuck outside, but does that really explain for the lack of celebrity sightings in town? Our Gmail box is as barren as Charlotte York and even CJ just took up an entire column in the Star Tribune to diss her readers' voice mails. We thought that we had a celebrity sighting at the Home Depot last weekend, but after chasing down the guy into the lumber area, we were disappointed to find that it was just a nobody with finely sculpted hair. What's going on here? If the two competing authorities in Minneapolis gossip cannot even spot Fancy Ray, there is a problem. So please readers, do your best to keep a lookout. You are our crow's nest of slander.



In the meantime, since our beloved CJ is having a slow week, why not give her some gossip? Call her with something made up and see if she posts it. That way she goes down for slander and we don't.

(612) 332-TIPS

Here are some ideas:

* Mark Rosen was recently seen leaving the office of Richard Tholen, a doctor who specializes in botox (we'll be calling this one in).

* Jordana Green was recently spotted stealing from the tip jar at Sebastian Joe's in uptown Minneapolis.

* Robyne Robinson sends her crotchless underware to her dry cleaners (oh wait... this one is true).

If you do end up calling anything in, let us know about it here: slanderousminneapolis@gmail.com
We'll post your faux gossip and wait for CJ to take the bait. Man, we love this job.

Monday, January 17, 2005

January 17, 2005

In honor of the MLK Day holiday, we are taking the day off. Here's your reading assignment for the day about a little-known mom 'n pop place that serves food with a side of fun: [Star Tribune]