Friday, September 30, 2005

September 30, 2005

Slander Edition Friday

Last night, we had drinks with a local traffic reporter (like the old Judith Miller, we will not reveal our source). We blew our entire stipend for the month on getting this person trashed, just to get hot gossip for all of you. Where does this stipend come from, you ask? Why, Don Shelby of course. Notice we never write anything bad about him... That's not a coincidence (and Don, if you have a chance, we still need our mileage reimbursed from that pashmina shawl we bought yesterday- thanks!).

Anyway, after about five Summits, this traffic reporter began reporting on more than just the conditions of 35W. In fact, they let us in on a little secret: they are having a wild affair with Rick Kupchella. Our source revealed that they often made up fake traffic reports to ensure clearer roadways so that these lovers could rendevous, often under bridges in the vicinity of Highway 100 and 394.

Our source also revealed that Amelia Santaniello is a very bad driver and has run over five dogs in the month of September alone. For shame!

So, if you see this source around town, offer them some liquor and report back on whether or not you get any dirt.


Blogger Meridita said...

You bought a pashmina YESTERDAY? It's not 1999 anymore, folks. Get with the program!

: )

8:07 PM  
Blogger Meridita said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:07 PM  
Anonymous Fanny Farmer said...

you guys are like the CJ of "slander." what are you using to shovel, playskool sandbox toys? come ON! i wanna know who has the saltiest peanuts in the men's locker room at lifetime fitness. i want pictures of sauna assprints! someone stalk dianna "piss" pierce and get the goods on her quantity orders of spanx! let's find that footage of don shelby drunk on the air!

10:51 PM  

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