Friday, January 21, 2005

January 21, 2005

Welcome to our special…


From here on in, Fridays will be devoted entirely to slander. Yes, we still want your real sightings too. Send them all here, but let us know the nature of your sighting or “sighting.” Before we begin, a reminder to those who don’t read the dictionary:

Slander (noun): a false or malicious statement about a person.

Libel (noun): a published statement falsely damaging a person’s reputation. To defame falsely.

Now let’s get down to it:

* Mike Tice (Ticey) was seen recently at Champp’s in downtown Minneapolis. He was reported as wearing Zubaz and a witness claims that after spilling sauce from his buffalo wings down the front of his sweatshirt, he became enraged and threw his beer across the room. Luckily, nobody was injured.

* Star Tribune writer Doug Grow is reportedly violating his contract with the Strib by writing a daily column for a small paper in Arkansas. He is apparently getting paid under the table- in cocaine.

* It is rumored that Belinda Jensen has a tattoo of a weather map- on her ASS. Warm fronts are soon to come!

* We spotted Star Tribune gossip columnist CJ at a hot downtown nightclub wearing leggings and ankle boots. When we confronted her about the 90’s-ness of her attire, she threw her Cosmo in our face and shouted “You gays are all the same!” What a bitch.

* You know who we think is a huge tool? Every fucking anchor at Channel 5.

* Mark Rosen is not only a bad tipper, but a bad driver as well. Golden Valley resident Matt Anderson, age 12, recently had his corgi puppy run over by Rosen, who was driving his SUV 50+ MPH. Rosen apparently paid Anderson $200 in hush money at the scene to keep quiet.

Wow! Breaking the law never felt so good, except for maybe that one time that we stole a “No Fat Chicks” bumper sticker from a gift shop in Wisconsin Dells.

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