Thursday, January 20, 2005

January 20, 2005

Celebrity Gossip Galore!

After two days of complaining that we have no material, the gods have finally answered our call. First, a sighting by a reader, sent via

Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
I don't know if this counts, but I saw Darcy Pohland (wcco's
wheelchaired reporter) pulling into the subway in the USbank building
yesterday. The line was so long they made her order from like 10
feet away, I'm surprised they even saw her from that angle. She was
really pleasant.

Excellent! You get a gold star. A gold trophy, however, goes to our intern. After beating him into submission and threatening to cut off his supply of Lik-A-Made, he chased down this special report for us:

Daunte Culpepper, after attending a Wolves game with fellow Minnesota athlete Michael Bennet to watch other fellow Minnesotan athletes compete in athletics [Ed note: he has to dumb it down for us gays], rolled deep into a hot club, Fahrenheit, where the temperature was soaring well above a comfortable temperature, no doubt registering on both a Fahrenheit and Celsius scale. With him was fellow Minnesota athlete (in this case, a basketball star DC had watched lose just minutes before), Latrell Sprewell. While getting hot, Culpepper's white mink coat was snatched. No word on if he got it back.

One thing remains certain, however, the loss of the coat, most likely either a family heirloom or a souvenir of his youth in Florida, and definitely not something he paid for by playing a game for money, has left Culpepper blinging way less hard, leaving his street cred in jeopardy. My advice? Contact Shaq, Ron Artest, or local T-Wolves rap sensation T-Hud and learn to rap. Or rob a liquor store. Chicago Lake Liquors is always a good target. Or just start small and steal some of Robyn Robynson's crotchless panties and sell them on the black market. That worked for Vascellaro.

What a hearty day! I feel like I just ate a pot roast of delicious gossip. Today: the truth. Tomorrow: a special ALL SLANDER edition. Get excited.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is great!

*getting excited*

10:30 AM  

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