Sunday, January 30, 2005

January 31, 2005


After all that slander on Friday, let's start the week off with some good ol' truthful sass:

* If this is your mom, please accept our apologies: [Craigslist]

* Normally we wouldn't consider it okay to make fun of an 11-yr-old girl (especially when we're not sure if she even lives in MN), but what the hell: [GurlzRule411]

* And a special treat... We finally shelled out the cash to get an archived copy of our Pioneer Press mention, so we may as well treat you to the goods:

December 30, 2004

Column: Pop Life


Author: Amy Carlson Gustafson

Edition: St. Paul
Section: Main
Page: A15

Article Text:

Imagine how our jaws dropped when we went to our favorite celebrity gossip blog -- New York-based bigwig -- to get our daily Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Tara Reid fix and found a juicy item directly related to the Twin Towns. In the spirit of Gawker, there's now Slanderous Minneapolis (, "The Authority in Minneapolis Gossip." The new local gossip/media blog features gossip -- from anonymous sources that boast a not-so-family-friendly vocabulary -- that runs the gamut from funny to tasteless to nasty on everyone from Fancy Ray to Dave Pirner to Jesse Ventura. Conjures fuzzy memories of the addicting Budd Rugg columns that used to appear on and in City Pages. It's unclear whether some of the content is fact or fiction, but one thing is sure: Whoever is running it is way into WCCO's Don Shelby.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

January 28, 2005


We need not remind you what slander means. Check a dictionary if you need help (eg. this is all FAKE).

*Dave Pirner was seen at the CC Club last Saturday drinking by himself and playing massive amounts of Soul Asylum on the jukebox.

* Garrison Keillor: is a major suspect in a SE Mpls arson case. When reached for comment, he said "Lake Wobegon has no arson. Let me tell you about the time that they had too many tomatoes." Nice subject change, GK!

* Last weekend, the Warner's Stellian Bitch: was seen at Eden Prairie Center, drunk off her ass. She threw up in a potted tree, then proceeded to buy discount Champion sweatpants at Mervin's.

* A certain Minneapolis blogger/Euro-wanna-be, [redacted] is apparently sleeping with Rudy Boschwitz's wife. He certainly doesn't blog about this, but then again, we wouldn't know, since nobody actually reads [redacted]'s blog.

* Mary Lucia, local dj legend and current dj on the new MPR station The Current, was seen at the CC Club drinking by herself and playing massive amounts of Spin Doctors on the jukebox.

And that's it for SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY! Please participate next week by sending your slander to: (you can also send real stuff here).

Have a good weekend.

January 27, 2005


Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
* We've finally figured out what this strange sign means. Perhaps if we traveled out of city limits once in awhile, we would know about this bizarre place known as "St. Paul:" [Star Tribune]

* Don't kids know that being in a gang is SO 90's? Gangs went out when Boys II Men went off the Billboard charts. The new thing is blogging: [Star Tribune]

Okay, so this isn’t a great “Media” post considering that we only looked at one paper this morning. Honestly, we’re resting up for SLANDER EDITION FRIDAY! We need your help! Send your best, worst, and most entertaining slander to:

Tomorrow, we’ll shame local celebrities for no good reason and send you off into your weekend with style.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

January 26, 2005

Hatin’ on CJ

Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
Since today is a slow news day, we will do what we always resort to: rippin’ on CJ. Today we would like to offer some constructive criticism. Please go to her column from yesterday so that you can see our point illustrated.

An open letter to CJ:

Dear CJ,

You don’t know us, or at least are choosing to ignore our presence in favor of talking about your obsession with the Vikings. Whatever; we’re not offended. But seriously, we need to talk. Let’s get this straight, CJ: you’re a local gossip columnist, not Page Six (pot and kettle, we know). Your job is to report on happenings in town and the debauchery of local celebrities. Yesterday, your column was a hearsay account of the Donald Trump wedding. First off, this is bullshit. Hearsay all you want locally (like somebody spotting Mark Rosen running over a dog), but why the hell would anybody read a secondhand account of a big celebrity event via a washed-up Mrs. Minnesota when they could read a real report elsewhere? Why turn to you instead of MSN, etc.?

Bridging off of that, we would like to talk to you about your over-usage of bold typeface (this is a lesson to you too, Riemenschneider). We are not offended by bold typeface in general. Hell, we use it ourselves (OMG, did you see what Colleen Needles was wearing in the parking lot of Cub yesterday??). But, since you are a LOCAL columnist, it is our firm belief that bold typeface should only be used for our own people. An excerpt from your column yesterday:

“Minnesota's former Mrs. America Jennifer Kline tells me she had a prime perch from which to watch the celebrities attending the Donald Trump-Melania Knauss nuptials in Palm Beach, Fla., last weekend.”

If we were to report on this bullshit secondhand story (yes, pots and kettles again, we know), we would only bold Jennifer Kline’s name, since she is the only Minnesotan in that sentence. Let’s try an exercise, shall we? Practice along with us:

Last weekend, I spotted Diana Pierce listening to Blues Traveler on her Ipod by Lake of the Isles. I complimented her outfit and she said “Thanks! It’s a St John that I bought at Marshall Field’s! I think that Condi Rice has the same one!” She mentioned that she was going to meet Pat Miles for lunch to discuss Kevin Federline’s hot bod.

We would approve of bolding the following things:

Diana Pierce (she is local)
Pat Miles (she is local)
Blues Traveler (because it’s funny)

We know that you want to bold St John, Marshall Field’s, Lake of the Isles, Condi Rice, and Kevin Federline as well (hell, we’d be willing to bet our Walkman that you’d even bold the word Ipod), but learn to resist! People read you for local gossip; you should stick to what you’re good at.

All our love,

Monday, January 24, 2005

January 25, 2005


Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
* Looks like we broke the Norm Coleman story before Wonkette. Who knew that we were so cool? [Wonkette]

* Just what kind of clothes in Albert Lea are worth losing your job over? We’re sure that Dress Barn has low enough prices to begin with: [Star Tribune]

* Yes, we may be slapped with a lawsuit any day now, but at least we’re not STALKING people. We suddenly feel so much better about ourselves: [Minneapolis Confidential]

* Dear God, it's me Margaret. Please say this post is a lie. Amen: [Craigslist]

Sunday, January 23, 2005

January 24, 2005

Celebrity Sighting of the Day

After all that slander on Friday, let's get back to the real news. A tip from a reader via:

Mayor R.T. Rybak had lunch [Thursday] today at My Burger, located in the 6 Quebec building. He had a My Burger Box with cheese and enjoyed a copy of the latest City Pages. He turned straight to Savage Love, kidding but I think it's a nice touch.

Somehow, the truth just isn't as exciting as slander. Oh well... We're doing our best.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

January 22, 2005

Weekend posts are usually reserved for something truly special, and this is no exception: [Norm Coleman]

Yes, there is even some slander we can't make up.

Friday, January 21, 2005

January 21, 2005

Welcome to our special…


From here on in, Fridays will be devoted entirely to slander. Yes, we still want your real sightings too. Send them all here, but let us know the nature of your sighting or “sighting.” Before we begin, a reminder to those who don’t read the dictionary:

Slander (noun): a false or malicious statement about a person.

Libel (noun): a published statement falsely damaging a person’s reputation. To defame falsely.

Now let’s get down to it:

* Mike Tice (Ticey) was seen recently at Champp’s in downtown Minneapolis. He was reported as wearing Zubaz and a witness claims that after spilling sauce from his buffalo wings down the front of his sweatshirt, he became enraged and threw his beer across the room. Luckily, nobody was injured.

* Star Tribune writer Doug Grow is reportedly violating his contract with the Strib by writing a daily column for a small paper in Arkansas. He is apparently getting paid under the table- in cocaine.

* It is rumored that Belinda Jensen has a tattoo of a weather map- on her ASS. Warm fronts are soon to come!

* We spotted Star Tribune gossip columnist CJ at a hot downtown nightclub wearing leggings and ankle boots. When we confronted her about the 90’s-ness of her attire, she threw her Cosmo in our face and shouted “You gays are all the same!” What a bitch.

* You know who we think is a huge tool? Every fucking anchor at Channel 5.

* Mark Rosen is not only a bad tipper, but a bad driver as well. Golden Valley resident Matt Anderson, age 12, recently had his corgi puppy run over by Rosen, who was driving his SUV 50+ MPH. Rosen apparently paid Anderson $200 in hush money at the scene to keep quiet.

Wow! Breaking the law never felt so good, except for maybe that one time that we stole a “No Fat Chicks” bumper sticker from a gift shop in Wisconsin Dells.

Do your homework: e-mail us

Thursday, January 20, 2005

January 20, 2005

Celebrity Gossip Galore!

After two days of complaining that we have no material, the gods have finally answered our call. First, a sighting by a reader, sent via

Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
I don't know if this counts, but I saw Darcy Pohland (wcco's
wheelchaired reporter) pulling into the subway in the USbank building
yesterday. The line was so long they made her order from like 10
feet away, I'm surprised they even saw her from that angle. She was
really pleasant.

Excellent! You get a gold star. A gold trophy, however, goes to our intern. After beating him into submission and threatening to cut off his supply of Lik-A-Made, he chased down this special report for us:

Daunte Culpepper, after attending a Wolves game with fellow Minnesota athlete Michael Bennet to watch other fellow Minnesotan athletes compete in athletics [Ed note: he has to dumb it down for us gays], rolled deep into a hot club, Fahrenheit, where the temperature was soaring well above a comfortable temperature, no doubt registering on both a Fahrenheit and Celsius scale. With him was fellow Minnesota athlete (in this case, a basketball star DC had watched lose just minutes before), Latrell Sprewell. While getting hot, Culpepper's white mink coat was snatched. No word on if he got it back.

One thing remains certain, however, the loss of the coat, most likely either a family heirloom or a souvenir of his youth in Florida, and definitely not something he paid for by playing a game for money, has left Culpepper blinging way less hard, leaving his street cred in jeopardy. My advice? Contact Shaq, Ron Artest, or local T-Wolves rap sensation T-Hud and learn to rap. Or rob a liquor store. Chicago Lake Liquors is always a good target. Or just start small and steal some of Robyn Robynson's crotchless panties and sell them on the black market. That worked for Vascellaro.

What a hearty day! I feel like I just ate a pot roast of delicious gossip. Today: the truth. Tomorrow: a special ALL SLANDER edition. Get excited.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

January 19, 2004

Tip 'o the Day

Since we're still having a news drought around here, we'll print this message we got from a pal over at City Pages:

while it may not be fresh news, i will say that the last time i saw rick kupchella of kare 11 in person, a year or more ago now, his "tan" looked as if it had been slathered on with a barbecue brush and finished in an easy-bake oven.

Sigh... We long for the good ol' days when local celebrities were running amok and all we had to do was report it. If we don't get some serious dirt in the next few days, we're just going to have to go out there and create it. Watch out, local celebrities: you just might be canoodled by somebody slanderous!

Send tips here:

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

January 18, 2005

Where Have All the Celebrities Gone?

Yes, we know that it's colder than fuck outside, but does that really explain for the lack of celebrity sightings in town? Our Gmail box is as barren as Charlotte York and even CJ just took up an entire column in the Star Tribune to diss her readers' voice mails. We thought that we had a celebrity sighting at the Home Depot last weekend, but after chasing down the guy into the lumber area, we were disappointed to find that it was just a nobody with finely sculpted hair. What's going on here? If the two competing authorities in Minneapolis gossip cannot even spot Fancy Ray, there is a problem. So please readers, do your best to keep a lookout. You are our crow's nest of slander.

In the meantime, since our beloved CJ is having a slow week, why not give her some gossip? Call her with something made up and see if she posts it. That way she goes down for slander and we don't.

(612) 332-TIPS

Here are some ideas:

* Mark Rosen was recently seen leaving the office of Richard Tholen, a doctor who specializes in botox (we'll be calling this one in).

* Jordana Green was recently spotted stealing from the tip jar at Sebastian Joe's in uptown Minneapolis.

* Robyne Robinson sends her crotchless underware to her dry cleaners (oh wait... this one is true).

If you do end up calling anything in, let us know about it here:
We'll post your faux gossip and wait for CJ to take the bait. Man, we love this job.

Monday, January 17, 2005

January 17, 2005

In honor of the MLK Day holiday, we are taking the day off. Here's your reading assignment for the day about a little-known mom 'n pop place that serves food with a side of fun: [Star Tribune]

Friday, January 14, 2005

January 14, 2005

Celebrity Sighting of the Day

sent to us by our *new* intern via

Seen: at Wolves game vs. LA Lakers Monday night.
Former Gov. Jesse Ventura complete with new Hasidic Jew/pro wrestler facial hair and his son Tyrell. Big J sat twitching throughout. More important: Tyrell sat in a black suit and black shirt with his hair slicked back and dark Ray Bans or Oakleys or Wayfarers (some sort of white trash sunglasses). Either the Target Center is wicked bright, Tyrell has glaucoma, or Tyrell is actually Tom Cruise circa 87.

Well done! An excellent celebrity sighting with an excellent dose of wit. We're so proud of our new intern. And to think that we're paying him in Rye Crisps!

Happy Friday. E-mail weekend sightings here:

Thursday, January 13, 2005

January 13, 2005

We would like to officially end our Make up an MLK Event Contest and declare the winner: NOBODY!

That's right. You are all big losers! Not one person sent us anything worth publishing on our blog. That's pretty bad, considering that we aren't a real news source (kind of like Fox and In Touch Magazine). What the hell were we smoking when we thought that you could handle this kind of responsibility? Oh yeah... Marijuana.

Perhaps this stern talking-to will shame you into working extra hard to spot Jeanette Trompeter. Seriously, she's been here for how long and not one of you has seen her pumping gas, canoodling with Randy Moss, or bitching that her morning latte' isn't exactly 160 degrees? For shame. A recap of the contest: spot Jeanette Trompeter, WCCO's newest anchor, tell us about it, and we'll give you a free prize. If you spot her doing something bitchy, the prize is better. Pictures of her are an extra bonus; it's as easy as that. This contest has no expiration date: first person to complete the assignment wins. Hop to it!

We guess she's not here yet (thanks to the oh-so-brilliant commentator who posted the same thing twice!). We'll put the contest on-hold until March, but that doesn't make it any less important. We seriously need to get an intern to fact-check for us. Anybody interested?

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

January 12, 2005

Sighting of the Day

Here is a month-old celebrity sighting, brought to us via:

A delayed celebrity sighting ... Dec. 22, Kinko's in Chanhassen. A very busy Paul Douglas, coming in to get his Christmas cards. He parked (what i think was) his Ferrari across three spaces out front. Seemed very busy, very preoccupied, and insulted the place I work -- a very large retailer whose HQ is right across from his studio. Says our buildings mess up the windflow or something like
that downtown.

A Ferrari?!? How 80's noveau-riche. We will always have a strong dislike for Paul Douglas based soley on his over-usage of the word "juicy" to describe humid weather during a brief period in the late 90's (we are not making this up). And in case you're wondering, yes, we hold grudges for stupid things. At least we don't drive a fucking Ferrari.

Hatin' on CJ

And you guys get upset that we consider the Watson’s slut a celebrity. CJ considers former KARE 11 anchor Paul Magers to be a legend. An excerpt:

“KARE-11 news director Tom Lindner is hoping to get promo footage of his new main guy, Frank Vascellaro, with the network's new main guy, Brian Williams, when the latter comes to town.

Williams will do the "NBC Nightly News" from St. Paul's Fitzgerald Theater on Thursday.

Because both replaced legends -- Paul Magers and Tom Brokaw, respectively --Vascellaro and Williams probably would have a lot to talk about. "Exactly," Lindner said. "I imagine they might have an interesting discussion. The network has asked us over the last year, 'How'd you guys replace a major anchor like Magers?' because obviously they are going through that."

Yes, we’re sure that NBC is calling up KARE 11 to get advice on how to replace legendary anchors. Next we’ll have the United Nations calling Channel 9 to ask how they ever got over their loss of Brian Z or George Bush calling Menard’s to ask how they are coping with the Menard’s guy’s retirement (actually, this one doesn’t seem that far off…).

Monday, January 10, 2005

January 11, 2005


Here's something that CJ hasn't gotten her hands on:

An employee at an Uptown drycleaner has informed us that there is a note in the Robyne Robinson file that says they cannot accept her crotchless underwear!

We do not judge or wonder why Robyne owns crotchless underwear, but rather, why she has tried to have them drycleaned.


* Thank GOD we can finally start wearing our fishing hat again. Our velvet Blossom hat didn't match our new poncho: [Star Tribune]

* Since Spike Lee will be here anyway, perhaps he can attend your MLK event: [Skyway News]

* And we thought that our upcoming wedding to Jeff Passolt would be so hard to plan! [Minneapolis/St Paul Magazine]

* WOAH!!! Nobody told us that the Pioneer Press mentioned US! [Pioneer Press]

January 10, 2005

There were no celebrity sightings in our inbox this morning, so there is little that we can report. We turned up little in the celebrity-spotting department ourselves. Although we did spend our day at the dog show yesterday, the only thing we could comment on are the interesting Casual Corner-era outfits on the handlers and the ugliest jailbait we’ve ever seen, but since these points have nothing to do with celebrities, we will not elaborate. Even CJ appears to be having a slow day.

So, in lieu of a bitchy post today, we will bid you a happy Monday. More sass tomorrow.

Friday, January 07, 2005

January 7, 2004 (part 2)

Our informer has written back to say that indeed, it was Robyne Robinson whom he meant to hate on and that he got the part about her hosting the weather wrong.

In which case, we'll go back to our original thought: we like Robyne and we like men in uniform, especially when they pay for our drinks.

**Weekend Treat**

* In case you're having a long, shitty day like we are, here's a treat: picture Norm Coleman ruining his Neiman Marcus pants while wading in tsunami muck and having to deal with people who don't speak "American." In case that doesn't amuse you, you'll be glad to know that Bill Frist will be there too.[Pioneer Press]

January 7, 2004

Reader Rant of the Day

This was sent to us via

While hating on CJ, lets add Robin Roberts to the list. Why?

1. She once ad-libbed a Sir-Mix-A-Lot song (you know the one) on a newscast. I think this was when she was doing the weather, but I don't quite remember because I immediately washed my eyes and ears out with bleach.

And if that isn't enough.

2. (rumor has it) She will chase down and
[hook up with] anything with a uniform (not that this makes her unique in this town)



We cannot turn away from slanderous material in any form, especially if it involves men in uniform. It’s a disease, we know. Speaking of disease, we must go now- the noise of typing seems to be waking up the sailor who’s in our bed.

Have a good weekend and remember to:
a. Spot Jeanette Trompeter!
b. Invent an MLK event!


We had originally thought that this was Robyne Robinson, but thanks to a comment left by a reader, we're now confused. Is there a weathergirl out there with a similiar name? Readers, we need your help: who the fuck is this?

Thursday, January 06, 2005

January 6 (part 2) in which we hate on CJ

... but first

Celebrity Sighting

Sid and Reusse
Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
I saw sid and reusse at the applebees in block e last week, we were on
our way to see meet the fockers. awful. on the way out of the movie I
saw reusse outside the theatre with leftovers waiting for sid? to get
out of the bathroom. Exciting I know.


Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
Does anybody read CJ's gossip column in the Star Tribune? We sure as hell don't. But, we have heard some hott gossip about CJ herself.

* CJ was recently seen at Oddfellow’s restaurant canoodling with Pat Miles’ ex-boyfriend, attorney Tom Borman. From what we hear, Pat is really pissed off.

* Tonya Puckett is suing CJ for $8,547.77 for asking for 80’s bangs in her Inside Out Boutique, a Minneapolis salon. CJ could not be reached for comment. Word has it that it's not about the money, which Puckett says she will give to charity when repaid. Puckett also added that CJ should stop wearing clothing from Gantos, since the store closed ten years ago.

* CJ was seen wearing an unflattering little number [Ed note: from Gantos?!?] with an asymmetric hemline that calls attention to her lack of height. When asked to comment on her outfit, CJ yelled “The Megamall rocks!” She was visibly intoxicated.

* The Minnesota daughter of Ray Charles performed at a holiday party thrown by attorney David Valentini, et al, at 222 Event Center. The consensus of those polled is that she really can sing. The same people polled also agree 9 to 1 that CJ’s column is less interesting than taking a dump and that nachos are the best appetizer.

Who's the queen of Mpls gossip now, bitch?!? Watch out, CJ, there's a new sheriff in town.

Don't forget our pending contests, resulting in fabulous prizes:

1. Spot Jeanette Trompeter!
2. Make up an MLK Event for the Star Tribune!

January 6, 2004 (part 1)

Heavy Flow

Slanderous Minneapolis is experiencing that magical time of the month when our uterus lets its lining flow in celebration of our womanhood. But, the last time we checked, we were male, so maybe we should consult MebMD about this or at least call that cute doctor we met at the bar last week.

Anyway, we're crabby and we didn't feel like posting last night because we were too busy stuffing our face with brownies and Midol. So please be patient- your usual post will arrive around lunchtime.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

January 5, 2005


* The best celebrity sighting that Minnesota Monthly has to offer is Amelia Santaniello at a Children's Hospital fundraiser. Wow, guys! What's the secret to your success? [Minnesota Monthly]

* Those dreams you had of owning your own casino are just a bit closer. But please, don't steal our idea for a Parisian theme. [Pioneer Press]


That's right. In addition to our "Spot Jeanette Trompeter" contest, we are presenting a new one. That's right, it's our


The Star Tribune posted a call-to-arms in their Metro section, asking for tips of MLK events going on around town. Are you having a kegger in honor of Dr. King? Do you know of a street dance going on for racial justice? Do you want to make something up?!?? Send us your best offers, real or fake. We'll pick the best one and send it on to the Star Tribune and send you a cool prize. If you want to send it on to the Star Tribune on your own, do it here:

Let the games begin.

Monday, January 03, 2005

January 4, 2004

Today's celebrity gossip mixes pity with pleasure. First, the pity, brought to us by a travelling reader:

I'm pretty sure Mike Fairbourne was in front of me in the line at the Starbucks in the Airport's C Terminal on Thursday at around 7AM. He seemed very lonely and bought one of those giant brownies and a tall coffee. Maybe one of your readers should send him some flowers.

Perhaps we will take up a collection.

And now for the pleasure part, and by that we mean shaming local celebrities. Today's shaming is focused on WCCO sports announcer Mark Rosen.

An Open Letter to Mark Rosen:

Dear Mark:

We have had two confirmed reports that you are a bad tipper and one confirmed report that you really like potato skins from TGI Fridays (we hear you get up to SIX plates at a time!!). Everybody we heard from on this issue was a college student. That means that they are poor and most likely need extra money to purchase togas or IPods or whatever it is college kids are into these days. You are not a hobo. You are a successful sportscaster and restaurant owner- these kids know that you can afford to throw some extra cash their way. So Mark: stop being a douchebag and let's make with the tipping, okay? Shape up and you might not see yourself on this site again.

Slanderous Minneapolis

As always, goodness goes here:
If you have complaints, we'll shame people until they shape up. That's our crazy style.


Originally uploaded by SlanderousMinneapolis.
While on our daily trip to Byerly's to purchase matzo mix and bacon, we happened upon this sign by some SlimFast fitness journals. Does anybody know who the hell Klondike Kate is? Is she in some way affiliated with Klondike bars? Also, we are totally interested in this "Care 11" thing. Is it a strip club? Please comment freely.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

January 2, 2005

We wouldn't normally post on the weekend, but this a special exception. Many bloggers have written about us on their sites, making fun of us for considering George Corporal and the Watson's lady "celebrities." Seriously, people. If any of you watched the train wreck "The Show to be Named Later" last night (when "Access Hollywood" USUALLY is and SHOULD be) you'd realize that Slanderous Minneapolis is not what is making this town lame. As far as the staff here is concerned, Jonny Voss is one rung lower than Jack Prescott.

Happy 2005.

Oh, and here's our New Year's treat for you: [Watson's Slut]