Wednesday, December 22, 2004

December 22, 2004


Advice: Take dead aim. [Star Tribune]

More advice: Don’t put money in boxes at liquor stores unless that box is a cash register and you get booze in return. [Star Tribune]

We asked and you delivered. After spending two days painstakingly compiling your sightings, we bring you our…

Weekend Update
(tips submitted via

Amelia Santaniello literally ran right into me in the Gap in downtown Mpls. She was very faux apologetic and wearing some very ugly pants. Not as pretty in person.

Randy Shaver came into my Starbucks on Friday night and ordered the most caloric drink we have: the Mocha Valencia, with extra whipped cream. He was very nice and tipped us well.

Saw that Watson’s lady you guys are so obsessed with in the bathroom at Manny’s on Saturday night. Two things to note: heard lots of snorting in the stall and when she came out, she was rubbing her nose. This could mean a cold, but most likely, I will blame it on RAMPANT COCAINE USAGE (Ed. Note: So that’s why she’s so perky in those commercials). Also, she didn’t wash her hands. G-ross.

Fancy Ray was at Popeye’s on Lake Street on Sunday night. He was wearing a purple trench coat, in typical Fancy Ray fashion and given that I was downwind from him, I can honestly declare that the man is gassy. Did he really need to add red beans & rice to that equation?

Lorie Line was at Rock Bottom Brewery late Friday night, wearing some velvet number and getting trashed off of some kind of pink drink.

OMG, do you remember Colleen Needles? She totally stole my parking spot at Ikea on Sunday afternoon. What a whore!

George Corporal (Ed. Note: of windshield repair, steak, and sexual harassment fame) was at the Hexagon on Saturday night. That guy is an asshole! He kept looking around giving everybody the “I know you know me” look and seemed pissed that everybody was paying more attention to the Claw Machine than him. Appeared to be drinking cheap whiskey.

Saw Santa Claus at the MOA on Saturday!!! He is a bitch! (Ed. Note: Normally we wouldn’t print anything this stupid, but in honor of Xmas, we’ll make an exception).

***** Keep your eyes peeled during the holidays. A free prize will be given to the first person who has a Jeannette Trompeter sighting- extra credit if you witness her doing something bitchy. *****


Blogger KJP said...

The Watson's girl is from Kentucky, so chances are it was only someone who looked like her. Not that I doubt it...

5:16 PM  

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